By Nick Squillari – @Tinea_Pedis Experienced editors will tell you avoid clich?s like the plague. Good writers don?t use them in order to make their point. Given I am neither; I am absolutely fine with having one as the theme of my piece. It is well worn and likely now tattooed over hundreds around the world ? ?the glass is always half full?. As corny as it sounds (it even felt corny to type) it was the theme every attempt I was making in writing a National?s and State time trial comparison was taking me. I know you are disappointed; TT race reports are riveting stuff? I swear, they are! Mine would be? Is this thing still on? Either way, something was stopping me from writing my promised piece. I just could not take a step back and appreciate that ?half a glass?. I started racing, a little over two years ago. A good friend (and ex-racer) told me ?it?s a lonely man?s sport?. That was perfect. A social animal most of the time, I actually loved the solitude a bike ride could bring. I am betting it is why I enjoy time trials so much. What better way to take a love of racing and love of riding alone than to combine the two ? your own, private, adrenaline filled agony. But as anyone who has dived full time in to any pursuit knows, it can also mean you lose touch with what is happening in the ?real world?. Not having as many people around you to help you keep things in perspective, none of the drunken ?deep and meaningful?s? (serious riders don?t drink, right?) and the disconnect can be more than you realise. My mates enjoy Centrelink jokes at my expense, but they are easy to brush off when they have to leave the coffee shop to get back to the office. Then I am back in my own little world. I?m not at the level of being paid to race, but no one gets in to racing for the money. Living off the bones of your backside comes with the territory. Besides, no one wants to look at the real world and see how little amount of coin they really do have. Trying to help other friends with Valentine?s Day gift ideas is also amusing ? girlfriend? Without making this a bleeding heart show, my cycling can be so time-poor that it would take an incredible woman to happily accept my affection being split with an inanimate object. Who knew, combined with a lack of cash and a rubbish car it isn?t what girls are looking for? But I was warned of this years earlier, so again easy to ignore. Living back at home, sleeping until 11:30, four NFL games a week ? all in all my efforts of avoiding the real world were going swell. My own little bubble intact yet with this increasing lack of satisfaction at my own performances in the National and State time trial. Not that any of them were newsworthy results, but I was struggling to stop myself wondering ?what if?? ?What if I could have held 10 more watts?? ?What if I had chosen a deeper front wheel?? ?What if?? Reality was lacking, until news that a friend?s cancer had returned. She could not have been stronger and more upbeat; I got the ?slap in the face? wake-up call that should not have taken such terrible news to achieve. How could I be brooding about past events, failing to enjoy the present and not be insanely eager for future races when my friend was being told she would need an artificial joint? Here I was stressing about the empty half of the glass, when I should have been looking at all I have and what others close to me were not so fortunate to enjoy. The same friend, only months ago, had purchased her first proper road bike. I was waiting for the email ?so Nick, what do I need to do to start racing??, she is that full of energy and life. Each day there is an inspiring update from her; simultaneously breaking my heart and motivating me. Yet here I was acting like I was the one cut down. Like some spoiled little brat, I had fallen in to the trap of only seeing what I could have had ? not what was achieved or what I should I should be grateful for having. Never mind the fact I should be trying to support my friend through such a traumatic time, not the other way around. I was being a jerk. Winning is so rare in cycling that you have to appreciate ?marginal gains?. Managing to sneak in to the top 20 at Nationals and stand on the podium for a bronze medal at the State titles did not have me close to first, but why beat up on myself for not being higher. Why not appreciate that all the sacrifices: money, house, a nice car (not sure I have much choice on the girlfriend) ? are all worth being able to keep doing what I love. Dreaming is great, getting to live it even better ? especially as precious few can truly do it. But none of it should come at the expense of keeping one foot on the ground and appreciating the glass is always half full.
